“She Endured My Wrath”

by Gary L. Thomas
8/3/2006
Actor Al Pacino’s mother and father split up in his very early years, so Al lived as an only child in a South Bronx tenement with just his mother and grandparents. In his own words, “we were really poor.”

One late evening, when Al was about ten years old, he sat freezing on the top floor of the tenement, where the heat never seemed to make its way up. He had school the next day, but a bunch of his friends were yelling at him from down below in the alley. They wanted to do some carousing and “have some real fun.”

Of course, Al wanted to join them, but his mom said no. “My mother wouldn’t let me. I remember being so angry with her.”

Al wouldn’t let the matter drop. He nagged, he pleaded, he threatened, he yelled. He tried his best to war her down. “On and on I screamed at her.” he admits, but “she endured my wrath. And she saved my life.”

Her willingness to endure temporary wrath ended up protecting Al’s future. He admits, “Those guys down in the alley—none of them are around right now. I don’t think about it that much. But it touches me now as I’m talking about it. She didn’t want me out in the streets late at night. I had to do my homework. And I’m sitting here right now because of it. It’s so simple, isn’t it?”

Unfortunately, Al’s mom died before she ever got to see her son’s success. I keep thinking of this financially strapped, stressed-out, divorced mom, with a rebellious kid on her hands, her boy screaming at her, calling her names, demanding to know why he can’t go out and cause trouble late at night like the other boys. Every word he utters cuts her deeply. It’s not like she has a husband to support her; when her boy turns on her, she’s alone. It must have been so painful to absorb his venom and hatred.

But she stayed tough even when he didn’t understand her—and she saved her son’s life in the process. Those carousing boys have all but disappeared. Al Pacino has achieved a high level of success, and he attributes it, at least in part, to a mom who had the courage to bear his youthful wrath. She was once misunderstood, but now she earns his highest praise.

This is the severe side of sacred parenting: giving to kids who can’t see the benefits in what they’re receiving, walking at times through the “valley of the shadow of death,” being called all manner of names as we seek to raise godly children, crucifying our tendency to be people-pleasers. In the process, we get blessed, transformed, and invited into the very ministry of Christ himself. We join him in his own courageous confrontation of a broken and sinful world.

From Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls by Gary L. Thomas.